Greatest Overall Demand
*Originally part of GothicTypeUs that was removed at Souls Request..*
My Truth and Knowing is still smashed against this next giant rock of information that I refuse as yet to move and contemplate as real. Even now and for many years it just won’t stay buried, hidden, dumped, lost, flushed, scattered or burnt it just keeps returning.
Let me assure you, I no desire I be correct, I’d much prefer to discover my/Souls haunting God delusions are simply that a delusion. In fact even if I did accept or be cornered and forced to accept such madness as true, then current thinking has me refusing to play the role, even if I knew it and had played the part in the past.
I’m told I played the role or act of God so many times I got bored with it, in fact I discovered I was never really god at all, it was just an act that I did and also a role I deceived myself and anyone who witnessed into to thinking it was me whom owned the role and it was mine alone to have. I’m told I have dreamt and hoped for a long long time that someone, anyone… to pick up the part… but as yet no one has chosen to play this role, although such is possible for anyone to do such.
I’m told this frustrates me very much and speaking of it here, I can tell you my feelings align with this. The idea of playing a god like role is repulsive to me. I don’t even like making the g in god a capital letter, but I am happy to make the s in Soul one. I feel like I am sick of doing any acting as if “I” was a god.
I also hold a concern that although I hate to even consider such as something I do or is even doable, that this hatred maybe second to the hatred or idea of being forced again to yet another cycle of wearing these heavy earth boots.
The knowing I have now about such is that all we do always is an act, we act out roles after roles, we all wear different shoes to see how they feel. Maybe what is my Soul is your Soul, like we all have access to the same subconscious but we each depending on our conscious level of learning or personality choose what aspects of this ‘all knowing everything’ that we shall allowtor become a part of ourselves. Over many lives we build upon what we learn to be us and this knowledge grows and grows, as it grows we pull more from Soul and accept it as our self or into our reality or knowing.
What is getting harder to cope with is that I seem to carry the feelings and knowings of how it feels to play a Gods role. The shoes I have walked in I have the feelings for. I don’t find this idea special rather it’s a burden on my ability to know myself clearly.
God I know we all are, can be, will be, but being God isn’t the end it’s more like a beginning. This to me is all mostly a known and don’t for a minute think I appear godly as I don’t. This I speak of is a inner truth that I don’t share.. well maybe I can say didn’t. I know I also act different, think weird not saintly, to anyone I’ve met and all my ideas are way out there, deep and different.
So this leads me to my biggest current unsolved problem. I can split this problem into two as its appears as a big thing and I’m pretty sure that although I have it in two parts, somehow it is all the same problem, just leaking from top and bottom.
Ok I have trouble with explain this, I guess as I don’t like being wrong, and what I learn tells me more and more that I was majorly wrong for a infinite amount of time.
Oh what a mess, I guess I really want to ignore it as from where i see it, all I see is a mess that’s never been touched, not even once. It is very old and major sections of foundations from beginning of time are laid upon it, and eons has passed. There seems no way to take out the bad foundations that block the correct way, well not without causing major upset and destruction of eons of endeavors that were all once hard earns by us all. So I am aware it needs move, but I avoid starting as every time I ponder it, all I ever see, is a full collapsing of all, and a full rebuild from the beginning.
Here I talk of part two of the problem of problems, this is also not what I want to need say, but it is what bugs me the most, about myself and everyone. Is now a daily bug in system I run into, so time isn’t any longer on our side as forever already I close eyes and hoped it would self fix, or someone may see what I just can’t.
Now this is my own fault, I made this mistake, over and over, so many times you could make a safe bet that I would get it wrong every time. I once thought there was a God almighty, I once believed was something first and also something last. I used to believe in a set order and that all things progressed in steps from a start to and end. Now I know, well I think I know, although everyone else says I am wrong but I checked and checked for three entire eons and then I try same idea in twenty three of the known universes to see if my new theory holds true, I fail to fault the theory so I install and run it as my current operating system.
I’m pretty sure you all are really going to hate this, as already in the background I try make this all shift but I’m getting zero, nada, no movement, and I waited already far longer than I should of, and now we near point of a simultaneous total collapse of all constructs.
Not sure if that’s good or bad….. I know the sound of the vibrations emanating within the foundation blocks that I long ago built. This sound comes each time a block cracks all over. They split open fully and fail to support anything built upon it.
This noise I’ve heard many times and I’ve also witnessed blocks collapse and disintegrate back into their forming elements, but never have I seen it in happen in the foundation blocks of all life…..
I was once your God.
I was the One that you have known as the One and Only. In fact every time we have played together and the role requires God to act out a part, it is me and only me who took the role. In fact most plays, just come to a stop and wait and only continue when I return from wherever I was.
Now don’t get me wrong…. I used to love playing the leading man. I loved always in many pasts being the one who sits in the highest chair. Even now I think of it still, as my chair, but that’s a habit that is so well worn is the only way that seems fit. It is the only way its has ever been and many times have we all tried to fill my place, only to find each play steaming towards and heading to some abrupt end, that would require us all to be killed off.
Rather than facing a new start from scratch, I have jumped in and played another favorite role of operation rescue and walked in on such plays at the last moment that I not was cast in. Ihave walked into acts that had no part for me in them, and made up a new role and rewritten entire acts and put myself in a position of some god where I could grab a firm grip, pick the whole darn lot up and move the way we were all heading to another way, to what was perceived as a better way, allowing us all a better ending that didn’t end in a total annihilation of all we are and know.
We been stuck now at this point, nearly as long as all time that we had to get here, so pretty much forever we have all been stuck.
Let me be clear about the issue we deal with. If I ask of the deepest aspect of each of you you all say without doubt ….that I am God …. we need and have and there is only one God ….I have always been God ….there is only one whom’s role it is to be God almighty and that’s a fact.
I say that now that WAS the fact, that’s what I taught as correct, that’s my very first belief. I have said that is correct more than I’ve said ever said anything is right. It was always my reference point, the one point in all time I knew.
All know from the beginning of time this was a point “set in stone” forever and always I would say, teach and preach it, like some gospel of undeniable truth.
Well folks I’m not God, it’s not my role, folks I never have been god. I know how this sounds but how long now this time have we all waited for God to return and set all straight again, now you will get mad. I’ve been here all the time! I just refuse the role now as I no longer think of it as mine. I say no each time I hear me called to act, I have always played that role and I refuse to any longer. I even went one step further, I said ok if I am the current act of God, then I can wish for anything and everything, then I wish…..”That no longer am the one and only, no longer do I have to be the one that saves the day.”
So yes of cause as always with any wish that is correct and who’s time is ripe to wish for, it is granted. So you see I have been living as you do, I many lifetimes rejected god role. I been a whore, a drunk, a carpenter of cause, metal worker, I was taxi driver, in fact I had this new game of no be God so long, I nearly done all that I once already did, all over again. Is not easy and I not being cruel although that is how you will see it. I watch as you fallen, I bleed falling with you, yes is true, I know the role, I could at anytime just stood up, show my self and do what I know best. Don’t yell at me please, I had enough guilt knowingly watching and deciding what I must do is not play save the day… but I didn’t play it and I won’t, in fact the next time I will play god, is the day after the last of all of you have had a turn in my seat that isn’t mine but sorry I too still cling to pasts and say it my seat.
Did I ever tell you about how I became god?
Well Is one important thing maybe I bent a little to make me look a little better, to give the story a little extra. You know this ‘All Knowing’ that we all say is God, like he is all knowing. Its a accepted truth, no one can know more than God himself, all else can only ever hope to come near or second to that one and only.
I got a shock for you, this knowing well it isn’t me, it isn’t mine or from me, I may of been the first to use it but don’t think it ever was mine, although I had always thought all was inside of me. I thought I was born to be the one true God. I justified that as a known fact, as how can it be any other way, I was the first, so i must know the most…..
Well as I do, as we all do, we learn, and I have a major announcement here …………..
I wasn’t the first to be God, I was not the first to open into the way of the all knowing. I was second, second to none I like say, is my joke.
I know that seems confusing.
Let me do history of my birth, I know it is my oldest and most known story but I need explain it again without my little bend in it that I thought made no difference to content that only added colour and spice to what was I thought as set in stone.
In the beginning nothing, the endless still, pre dawn. Then i feel for first time something other, something else……. then I realise I AM….. and wonder what I am not, this is how I think and have taught life began.
Here is the switch,there is a third player in this creation story, the third aspect was God, not me God, the real one and only god.
This God has no form. This God has full direct access to everything, well everything that is Gods, he doesn’t have access to acting in the physical and material worlds as to act upon physical and material planes one needs to be in command of a body of matter, and this formless God was like a file in the cloud, a sky drive that holds all information, all history, all futures, all records…. the only the thing not recorded is nothing, as it makes no signal, so isn’t something one can copy or make record of, but who needs know nothing, what can be had by learning about nothing?
I took this file as mine. I took this knowing on board and taught and claimed it as my knowing and that’s how I became god but the real truth is….. I’m like this guy typing, I don’t know anything, I just come up with the answer, I just come up with the truth from this ‘sky drive’ that already had the info. I just grabbed a hold of it, loaded what suited and ran with it..
These days I think all is just two things “a belief” and “will ” aka heavy duty want. All is… and becomes ….and takes form from… what you believe….what you know (believe) as fact…will is belief in action.
Like I’ve said…. I in the background have attempted to move all this to be correct again but all my attempts have failed. I blame me as I told everyone it’s mine. Everyone’s beliefs are from my teachings and my teaching was wrong, very wrong. It’s like when I taught the earth was flat, it was a hard call to reissue the truth.
So hear me if you can, this is a reissue. I am not god, God is “in formation” as pure data, pure data that any secretary or typist or consciousness can load and run. Just don’t do what I did and claim it as yourselves, claim the data as God and you as the ‘Act of God’ that we all are. Also please know, I was just acting as God, and my acting was just that, an act in the play of life.
Now let’s roll the dice and now it is your turn to act, hopefully you can act better than me and not ruin so much of the play as I did with my little bends in the story and “add living” that I tend to do.
I ponder now how to end this text, telling all that makes me want run.
I think I just reached the end, but then I think I’ll end with how I began in this life to open to the truths that I and Soul both exist.
The end ?
If you thought the last bit was proof of madness…. wait until you read this next bit.
Nothing is the end, nothing is the beginning, there is only two things, nothing and everything. There is no such thing as one, one is in fact nothing and after that is not two.
I’m well aware you will say such is crazy as you know zero is nothing and each one is one and one plus one is two, add again and is three and so on to infinity.
I realize this is what we are taught but I will tell you one plus one isn’t two. One doesn’t exist, there is no one, no one and no thing is never just one alone. There is no one by itself. I can asure you after no thing is everything and there is nothing or everything, in between nothing and everything.
I can tell you too, your not one, your never once been alone, you have never had a single thought on you own.
You will say there is a two and a one, one apple plus another apple is two apples, such is truth, you will say one person has one life, you will say, you are one, that I am one, this is a known, obvious fact beyond doubt. You will claim this as if I am the one in a delusion. You will think omg how can this one be so crazy, shake yout head and look at me like I am trying to preach crazy stuff like the earth is flat, or the shy is falling, or that I’m god.
If you get your one darn apple and open it up, what inside? Seeds, if you get your one apple and plant it, you get a tree and if your lucky then it grows apples, lots of apples, so in truth it isn’t and never was one apple. That apple is the start of endless apples as when it grows, it makes apples, which can make more trees, more apples and so on. So I disregard your belief that one apple plus another apple is two apples as honestly is is not. Maybe a Monsanto Apple and another Monsanto Apple is two but alas I think both of them will add up to nothing.
Ok so that’s apples you may say, but how about one car plus another car, well then that’s two cars. One car isn’t one car, it’s endless things, it’s four tires, a dash, it’s full of air, water, carbon, glue, wool, the list of what it is is truly endless. Ok so you say, one screw plus another screw.. It’s not just a screw, it’s metal that was once minerals in the ground, it was then made it to a bar, then it was shaved by tap and die to make thread. That screw is a million things, I could probably stretch the reality so far to say that screw contains a bit of everything, some fragment of some eyelash a billion years old, some particle of a nuke that blew 20 billion light years ago, maybe in this moment it is a million things in the form of a screw, but it has particles of hydrogen, oxygen, micro molecule of someone’s mascara, whatever it not just a one screw, and even if it was, which it isn’t, soon it wouldn’t be. Soon as you screw it, some is lost in fragments in the thread, so now it isn’t a screw? Or it is now less than one screw? Or in time it will rust and return to elements it once was. I’m not being argumentative, I’m saying fact. You will want be argumentative and limit things that are really really more than one to something suitable and neat but not really true. You will want to take just one aspect, one vision, one view and disregard the rest to suit your “known” maths.
I do get glimpses of different aspects that makes me me. I observe the me’s within as they attempt to maintain some balance that seems arranged between separated consciousness, all living and acting ‘as if’ they are one. I no longer can have the luxury of saying mmm i don’t know, or let me think about it. I’ve opened up a tap to the all knowing.
You say your one, I say your not. Ok let run with this further…
This new maths I speak of…. for me there is no doubt….. for me it is beyond question.
I’m very aware and know, for all who still generally accept themselves as just one, who know it is a fact that they are one…… That you will say there is no other inside, that you are one, there is ones and so to say anything other than such is just crazy thinking.
Most now would think maybe I am possessed, then I am two, that fits, that may explain why he saying these crazy things, how he not know, what everyone knows as simple fact… zero is nothing, one is one, two is two, and so on, as if there is doubt of such, now your assured that I am one Crazy fker who prob talks to much to himself, send u crazy that will you would parrot ….. Next he will probably try tell you your being programmed by Wifi.
(I didn’t say it, I just said I will probably try say it, but i didn’t)